What Is the Sandwich Generation? A Therapist's Honest Look at Caring for Two Generations at Once

The term sandwich generation refers to the group of people who are simultaneously caring for their own families while also supporting their parents, older relatives, or others with disabilities, in one way or another. It likely starts in a way that doesn’t feel too overwhelming. After a weekend t-ball game you start stopping at mom’s to mow her lawn. You get the kids homework wrapped up and start dad’s DoorDash grocery order because he’s been avoiding the grocery store. One thing leads to another and now you’re making appointments, managing bank accounts, helping with showers, and ordering all of the assistive technology you can get your hands on to help soften the burden just a bit.

Someone in the sandwich generation is silently juggling the mental load of two, sometimes three or more, households. They’re putting themselves last in every situation because there is just too much to care for around them. Without much help or support, the resentment builds, and soon you’re irritable or quick to anger, lashing out at your kids or partner for something that should not have bothered you at all.

The resentment might really be aimed at your spouse if they aren’t involved with your family of origin or if they haven’t had to deal with aging adults before. If they’ve had no previous exposure to this kind of stress, they may not know how to support you or be unable to fully grasp the amount of stress you’re under. Not to mention, your kids who may be in the self-absorbed stage of adolescence and cannot be bothered to see the amount of effort you’re putting into everyone around you.

You might also feel guilt. Guilt for not being present enough with your own family. Guilt for not being there for your parents as much as they always have been for you. You might be doing all that you can, but it never really feels like enough.

The stress of the sandwich generation looks different depending on your individual situations. If your parent has a cognitive diagnosis, you’re doing a lot more of the financial management, setting up medications, and, eventually, that parent is going to need frequent, if not constant, supervision in order to stay safe.

If your parent has a physical limitation they might need more physical help around the house, laundry, taking out trash, or even with their daily personal care, think brushing hair or teeth, taking a shower, preparing meals, etc. Throw in a newborn or toddler at home and you’re constantly thinking about who needs what. A child or partner at home with their own disabilities? Even more stress.

The good news? You’re not alone. It’s called a “generation” for a reason. A collective group of people are out there, currently living very similar experiences. I’ve seen it time and time again in my work supporting older adults in their homes. The goal in my non-profit work was to keep older adults out of nursing facilities, and if you have an aging parent, that’s probably your goal too. Now, instead of supporting the aging parents, I want to support you, the exhausted child next to them. The one that’s thinking about what’s for dinner while sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office with dad. The one that’s anxiously hoping mom is okay for the few hours you stepped away to attend a dance recital. The one that doesn’t have enough time in a day to do everything that needs done and is slowly losing themselves in the process.

I see a lot of my millennial peers in metro Detroit trying to slow life down a bit, enjoy time with their kids, live in the moment, touch grass. As much as I love that idea, society is still kind of forcing a hustle culture. Groceries, gas, housing, everything is so expensive. It’s not a financial reality to be able to care for parents all week long when there are bills to pay. Additionally, we recently encountered a “Caregiver Crisis” in which there were not enough caregivers to care for our aging population. Translation: you couldn’t even hire someone to help you take care of mom and dad. Thankfully, I think we’re coming out of that a bit and help is becoming a little easier to find. But, you still need to take care of you.

With that being said, one of my favorite self-help quotes or ideas is, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” Do one thing today that helps fill your cup, and never feel guilty for doing so. In order to help those around us, we have to take care of ourselves first.

If all of this resonates with you, you’re in metro Detroit (Livonia and surrounding communities) and want to set it down for a little while with someone who just kind of “gets it”, reach out to Collected Nest Wellness. I’ll be accepting new clients in Fall/Winter 2026.